What I Learned from a Man about Female Empowerment

As an introvert, I have always felt a bit of a shell in large group settings. I’m quieter, I feel less comfortable. I prefer small groups, one-on-one connecting. So when I showed up to a pre-event cocktail hour, I immediately wanted to run and hide. I wanted to duck right under the rug and wait until the hour was finished and then run out of the building. But something in me said, take a breath, and walk up to someone and say hi. If I like meeting new people, and if I like making authentic connections with people, then why not here? 

I sucked it up, got some food and drink, and walked right up to two men talking and basically jumped in and said Hi I'm Cheryl nice to meet you. We started talking and I was glad I pushed myself to do it. It almost felt like an exercise I’d do at the gym. You just do it and you know that it will be good practice for doing it again in the future. And then in the course of that hour, I ended up meeting some other nice people. I left that night feeling like I had taken a little walk out of my shell. Have you every had that experience, of coming out of some shell or armor you have? What kind of shell do you have and why?

I think my shell comes from wanting to protect my energy. I sometimes find large social gatherings to be exhausting and performative. My worst nightmare is getting stuck in a conversation with someone who goes on and on talking about themselves with no curiosity, humility, or empathy for anyone else in the conversation. So maybe in large group settings I am in protection mode, I am in caution mode, minding my surroundings. 

In contrast, when I’m one-on-one or in small groups, I feel infinitely more comfortable. I feel like I can make a more meaningful connection with someone. I can hear them, and they can hear me. We can have an exchange that can create a bond that lasts longer than that one conversation. When I’m in my comfort zone, I can tell that I shine brighter. My shimmer comes out. I’m in my flow. 

Back to the event I attended…a week later, I got a message from one of the first men I met saying it was nice to meet me and he would like to connect. We met for tea and it was lovely. He does communications strategy and I do data strategy so we had a lot to talk about. As we were leaving, I said I was glad I interrupted his conversation at that event to introduce myself. And he said he understands how hard it is to do that with people you don’t know, in general, and as a woman going up to a group of men. I felt so seen in that moment. Like he was celebrating the confidence that it took to do what I did. It made me feel empowered and energized. That it's ok to go to events and not know anyone. Just go and give it a shot. Say hi to people. Worst comes to worst I can always leave. Because of what that man said to me, I ended up signing up for another event in a few weeks where I will be going without knowing anyone going. 

I also decided that I don’t need my shell anymore. I still want to protect my energy and time. I still want to listen to my instincts about what events and people bring me joy vs. not. But it’s time to remove the shell of dulling my shine in certain settings. As I come into my own as a professional and business woman, I have finally evolved into the liberated butterfly I have been growing into for years. I want to be fully me, shining and shimmering in every situation I’m in. I love that because it means I don’t need to hide or recede or lessen myself based on anything external to me. I can be fully me because that is the way I want to live my life, at work and beyond. 

So to my fellow introvert entrepreneurs, I’d love to hear if or how this resonates with you. Where do you feel most in your shine? What dulls your shine and how do you want to get rid of that moving forward? Can’t wait to hear from you. Contact me in our contact section here and let’s have a conversation and support each other.